XXXCalibur from Mr Hankeys Toys

Sooooo I’m back, again.

Hey, what’s up?

Let’s cut to the chase, my Valentine cancelled on me so I thought I’d publish this review that’s been haunting me since this beast of a toy came into my life.

The XXXCalibur is point blank period the largest thing I’ve ever put in my butt. I received the XXXCalibur from Mr Hankeys Toys free of charge in return for this honest review. Like always, check them out for some of the biggest and best faux dicks on the market. Your butthole will thank me.


I’m not gonna lie, this toy had me shook. When Mr Hankey asked me which toy I wanted to review after my journey with the Rentman I thought of trying something smaller because to be honest, my journey with Hankeys toys has been filled with A LOT of girth. I went with the XXXCalibur because it looked thinner online (okay, I might have ignored the measurements) and I fucking love an uncut dick.

Back to why I was shook though, the XXXCalibur is a fucking beast. 15.5 inches long (12.5 insertable) the tip is 7.25 inches in circumference, the middle expands to a neat 8.75 inches and base tapers to a whopping 9.25 inches in circumference. Trust me, it’s wide. Length and girth aside, I went with the 75% soft option because I love a squishy dildo; Hankey’s medium firm is also an option if you prefer a firmer toy.

Like two big ol’ eggs

The balls on this dildo are immaculately rounded. Like two perfectly smooth eggs they are captivating. I do take issue with the base but only because of the size of the toy. The base is quite narrow, making it difficult to get the XXXCalibur to stand on its own. There is the option for a strap on hole for the base but I chose against it this time. Looking back on it now, a hole would be best so I could put a vac-u-loc suction cup in it but hey, what are you gonna do.

I adore this toy. It terrified me at first because of the size and I must admit, it took a lot of effort, a lot of lube and a whole lot of courage to finally conquer it. I got there though and it is one of the best toys I’ve had the pleasure of trying out. Some tips. Take your time, there is literally no rush when it comes to the XXXCalibur. No such thing as too much lube when it comes to this guy. A thick water-based lube is KEY when it comes to this toy – don’t go cheap. $4 lube from Woolies will FUCK. YOU. UP.

Time for some real talk

In a side note I need to express how crucial it is for people to be careful with toys this size. If you’ve never experienced a dildo larger than the average size but you’re considering a toy from Mr Hankey, please be careful. Trust me when I say this as I’m speaking from experience, my first Hankey toy took me 4 months to work up to, I went in convinced I could take on any toy but it was a struggle getting there with the EL Rey. So take your time with giant toys, be careful with them and when you finally do get to the level of Hankey insanity, your butthole will thank you.

Back to the XXXCalibur clean-up is pretty standard, 100% body safe silicone means you can clean this toy anyway you choose. Boil it, dishwasher, anything will get it spick and span. If you plan on hiding it away, this bad boy takes up a lot of space. I keep mine out on a bookshelf, to put it simply it’s fucking huge so I just have it out on display 24/7.