Evan – The Holiest of Cumshots

I fell hard for Evan; he was a sweet, religious, vegan – my complete opposite. We met in the midst of my slutty phase. He was different to the typical guys I lusted after. He was an aspiring actor who really enjoyed the company of Jesus. That should have been a red flag but spending time with him made me happy.

One day over coffee Evan decided he wanted to cook for me. His vegan curry had me feeling like Satan would be exiting my body the following morning. Dinner ended so we made out to the background noise of Donnie Darko and the occasional “interruption” from Jesus. I had no clue but apparently he was watching and judging us from the shadows and needed to be reassured nothing bad was happening every time I groped Evan’s dick.

The movie had finished by the time pash-rash had reread its ugly head and we found ourselves in Evan’s single bed. This threw me off guard because a 28 year old man with a single bed makes no sense and to be blunt – makes me uncomfortable. Still, we continued making out, getting to know each others bodies. It was intense and passionate, everything you could ask for. That was until I was abruptly knocked to the floor.

Now, I’ve found myself in a number of awkward situations in my life and most of them I’d like to forget; this though, is something so awkward and embarrassing that I continue to have nightmares over. Let me paint a picture. My bare ass has been knocked to the floor mid-makeout, I’m about to put my clothes back on when I realise Evan, butt naked Evan is beside me, on his knees. I know where you think this is going, but no. Butt naked Evan is on his knees, eyes closed, hands clasped together. Butt naked Evan is praying. I almost walked out but I was distracted by his butt and I waited for hm to finish.

Disclaimer: Having a grown man say a pray and ask for god’s forgiveness before sex is an awkward situation I still don’t believe happened and honestly, I wouldn’t believe it if anyone were to tell me, but it happened and it happened to me.

Following Evan’s mid-makeout pray, we had what could only be referred to as blink and you’ll miss it sex. We were still making out when out of nowhere Evan began trying to shove my penis into his butt. Dry, penetrative anal sex is not possible and so I spent a good while explaining that to him. After we’d covered the basics of sex and he’d revealed he hadn’t had sex in two years and the he hadn’t ejaculated in three months. I was back on board and entirely unprepared for what was about to happen.

I wasn’t even halfway inside him when he came and when he came it was like the heavens had opened. God had answered Evan’s prayers in the form of an amount of semen that was as though he had been storing it for the winter. He was on top of me so I copped the full force of Evan’s jesus juice, the pillow and wall behind my head also copped an absurd amount of his load – everything was saturated. I then found myself in a moment of awe over what had just happened. I also caught myself wondering if Jesus had too copped an eyeful of Evan’s load.