Onyx Masturbator by Kiiroo and Fleshlight

A long overdue review always makes me feel like trash. I try my hardest to get my reviews written within an amount of time and I truly know I dropped the ball with this one. Without any further delay, here’s what I thought of the Onyx by Kiiroo.

Tracing back to August 2016, little ol’ me was a freshly faced sex toy reviewer, the world in the palm of my hands so to speak. I was keen and eager to learn as much as possible about sex toys and I loved it. Fast-forward to now and I’m currently sitting here looking at the Onyx by Kiiroo, trying to write about a toy that I cannot use.

I received the Onyx from Kiiroo as part of a deal to publish four articles in compensation. The articles are live here.

The Onyx is a beast of a toy. When I first opened it I was in awe of its sheer size and amazed at being able to try such an interactive toy. I was deadest heartbroken when I realized I had to charge this guy for FOUR HOURS before use, so I waited. I jumped online, signed up to the Kiiroo website using the verification key that comes with the device and checked out FeelGayPorn.com (you can buy credits from Kiiroo to buy virtual porn) and I also had to download the “Feel Connect” app from the App Store.

So, once I had gotten charging out of the way I was ready to try out the Onyx. The tall, sleek body of the Onyx reminds me of those big plastic boxes large businesses use to store their servers. The side of the Onyx that faces your body has a reflective area that allows users to manipulate the controls and stimulation of the Onyx, the cap pops off simply enough and the charging port is hidden behind a removable red ring. Fleshlight makes the ribbed sleeve so it is top quality and also the bane of my existence.

I mentioned previously that the Onyx is a toy that I cannot use. Yes, my friends I have found a toy I cannot use because it’s simply too small. Small you may say? Yes, my penis – my best mate, is too large for thetas toy. Even writing that makes me laugh because I’ve never even considered my penis as anything but ordinary but alas, the Onyx has consistently reminded me of this song. Taunting me, all the time.

The Onyx is a great product in context. Designed to be used solo or for couples, it can be paired with another Onyx or Pearl vibrator and can be used over a Wi-Fi network so you don’t have to be in the same room as your partner(s). The only button on the shell controls the on/off and pattern speed. There are only two patterns – slow and medium. Nothing too fast and nothing as horrendous as the Autoblow 2+.

I say it’s great in context solely because I cannot fit inside the Onyx. Although I don’t fit inside I can say that I had a play around with the patterns it produces. They’re pretty average, nothing that really hits it out of the part so to speak, but when lined up with FeelGayPorn.com the strokes are more varied and I can definitely see the reason why teldildonics is a thing.

It drives me up the wall knowing that no amount of lube has helped ease the problem of fitting inside but the Onyx is a toy that I’ve read plenty about. Other reviews I’ve read have been quite favourable in that the Onyx does get the job done but it can be improved upon. My first suggestion for improvement would obviously be to make the insertable area more accustomed to a thicker penis. A bit of extra length also wouldn’t be a bad thing, but I do understand the Onyx requires a fair bit of engine space to work so a longer sleeve could be out of the question.

My feelings toward the Onyx are still bitter, but I can see the enjoyment it provides people so I can’t hate on it based on my size. It is pretty pricey also, which makes it questionable as to whether or not you’re getting your moneys worth but that just my opinion. My only advice to anyone keen on the Onyx, please check your girth before you buy.

 

 

 

 

Pros:

  • The Onyx is a nice intro to teldildonic style toys, I really like interactivity with anything that I put near my penis and this could have been amazing.

Cons:

  • The opening is too damn small – curse my penis.