I’ve compiled a few tips surrounding sex, some are what I’ve learned over the years from research and some I’ve learned from plain old experience. I set out to write this article in the hopes of lessening the stress, confusion and anxiety that can be encountered when dealing with sex. Sex is one of the most natural things a person can do in life and no matter how many times people try to avoid the subject, it’s just like pooping. Everybody poops and everybody has sex.
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- Don’t be ashamed of being inexperienced. If for example it’s your first time and the person you’re with is more experienced, let them know. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being new to the world of sex. Learning what you enjoy, what turns you on and what gets you off is one of the best things you can experience.
- Always remember, no means no and it’s never a bad idea to ask your partner(s) if what you’re doing is okay.
- Condoms don’t feel the best, we all know that. But they save lives. If you don’t know you or your partners’ status (or even if you do) don’t risk it. Wear a condom and feel good about making a smart decision.
- Don’t ever let someone pressure you into sex. Only do things you and your partner(s) are 100% comfortable with. If they keep trying and you aren’t on board – bounce and go treat yourself to something nice, like an ice cream or a new wardrobe courtesy of their credit card. I’m kidding…don’t buy the ice cream, it’ll just make your new clothes sticky.
- Condoms break (bet you were never told that in school). There’s no way around it sometimes and it doesn’t happen every time but if it does occur don’t let it ruin the moment. Tell your partner(s), discuss if you’d like to continue, carefully slip another one on and don’t forget the lube. If you feel like you may have been exposed to HIV, contact your nearest hospital emergency department and ask for PEP (Post Exposure Prophylaxis).
- Just because you saw it in porn one time does not mean you or your partner(s) are going to enjoy it. Porn actors are paid to produce content that is appealing to an audience, what looks super hot and sexy could potentially be painful or dangerous.
- Know your partner(s) and your own limits. If you plan on trying something new that could potentially cause pain, talk it over with your partner(s) and set a safe-word. Anything but your grandmothers name and you’ll be good to go.
- There’s no such thing as too much lube when it comes to butt sex. The more lube, the lower the chance of being uncomfortable.
- Foreplay is the key to successful penetration. If you think you can go straight into full-blown penetrative sex without warming up your butt hole, you’d be better off saying a couple Hail Mary’s and hoping for the best. It will be painful if you do not start with a few fingers or a toy. A small butt plug is best recommended for first-timers and don’t be embarrassed to tell your partner(s) to take it slow.
- Just because a person gets off on something in particular it doesn’t make them weird. Embrace your kinks and if you don’t have any, go out and find one. You’re bound to find something that gets your engine going and don’t feel bad if you don’t enjoy your partners’ kinks – different strokes for different folks, kids.
- Sex toys are amazing and varied. I strongly believe that everyone should have at least one sex toy tucked away in his, her or their bedside draw. Whether it’s as simple as a cock ring or as enjoyable as an 18-inch double-ended dildo – whatever gets you off should be within arms reach of wherever you enjoy getting off. That being said, it’s probably not the best idea to store your sex toys near the family toothbrushes or in the pantry next to the Weetbix.
- Rimming isn’t for everyone and that’s okay. If you plan on trying it out, it’s best to shower first just to make sure everything is nice and clean. The last thing anyone wants is a mouth full of poop.
- Speaking of poop, shit happens – deal with it. When you’re dealing with anal sex, things are bound to happen. The best way to prevent any poop mishaps is to douche. If you aren’t familiar with douching, it involves using a specific item (typically a bulb-like shape with a thin nozzle) to shoot water into the rectum. Pop it in, squeeze the bulb, pull it out, hold on and make your way to the toilet. It’s best to try this a couple of times, until clear water is the only thing being expelled from your body and if you buy the disposable types of douches, empty the saline solution and refill with clean water, saving yourself a painful trip to the toilet.
At the end of the day, don’t expect everything to go smoothly. Sex isn’t supposed to be perfect. There will be times when you want to laugh; your partner(s) will say things that will make you giggle. Embarrassing things can happen and you will want to bury your head in the sheets and that’s okay. The most important thing to know about sex though is that every experience will be different and exciting. Each experience, you will learn something new about yourself and your partner(s), you’ll figure out what feels good, what doesn’t feel good, what gets you excited and what gets you off. Don’t feel bad if all of these things don’t happen the first, second, third or even tenth time you have sex, everyone moves at their own pace and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.